My opinion is that manufacturers, or at the very least designers, of the modern automobile are having a secret "who can sell the oddest car" contest. Only with what is out there on the road, it's not so secret anymore.
Don't believe me? Why else would the Honda Element, Pontiac Aztek or Chevrolet Avalanche exist? Ok, maybe they aren't ugly and I just have no concept of real beauty. The only alternative explanation I can think of is that they are aliens attempting to masquerade as cars, but their identity recalibrators developed scanning-deficit-disorder from watching too much TV and got distracted by another random odd object those humans seem to need.
Still don't believe me? With the appropriate accompanying drum-roll, I now present...
The Shoe - Honda Element
The car for people in denial. They need to buy a minivan. But they cling desperately and irrationally to that sense of style and freedom they had before there were children. So, Honda has presented us with the Element. Bonus points for looking odd enough that people will call in style to avoid the accusation they have no taste. This is similar to the argument on whether or not Neo-Dadism is art.
The Tissue Box - Scion B
A square car. Wasn't this what we played with when we were children? I keep expecting to see a "suitable for ages 2 to 5" sticker on the bumper. And the new ones just look like a box in desperate need of braces to correct a grimace of an under-bite.
The Plastic Tonka - Pontiac Aztek
Why for the love of all mangled crash dummies would I want to drive a car that looks like it is plastic? If I wanted that, I would build myself a car out of Legos. It would probably hold together better (gotta love those interlocking blocks), might cost less and would be a good bonding experience with the kiddies.
The Yup-Truck aka Upchuck
There are several versions of what the politically correct are calling a "sport utility truck" out there - Chevrolet Avalanche, Honda Ridgeline and Ford Explorer Sport Trac. I can just hear the board room conversation that allowed the opportunity us to buy these vehicles.
"Men want big trucks. We have told them for years that they need a big truck to prove they are men. We need to make more big trucks."
"But women want a car they can fit the kids in. We have developed a whole demographic that knows they have to take the whole soccer team to practice prove they're super mommy. We need more SUVs."
"But SUVs are like minivans, and we all know how passe those are."
"I know, I know. Let's squash a mini-truck bed on an SUV."
"Yeah, men will get their truck."
"Women will get their SUV."
"And those gullible yuppies will buy more gas-guzzling monstrosities. We'll be rich!"
"I bet we won't even have to tell them to buy it. We can advertise it as a one-up on the Jones. Jones have to own two cars to have both an SUV and a truck."
In Greek mythology, these automobiles would be known as chimera. Car designers, there is a reason it is called mythology. Car buyers, get a real truck.
The Wide-Mouth Bass - 5th Gen Ford Mustang
I mention this one last because I must admit it was on my 'yikes' list for some time. I have since recovered, but the trauma still happened. For the first several months of seeing this on the streets, I was in a state of disappointment. I would come up behind one, think 'ooh, pretty', only to pull up alongside it and see what they did to the front half. It was all the more painful because this is one of my favorite cars. I am especially fond of the 1st generation Mustangs and there was much joy when the 4th gen redesign reclaimed, at least to my mind, hints of those pioneers. At least they did in the rear design. But there was still something lacking. The new Mustang filled that vacuum, or rather tried to swallow it with its nose reminiscent of the wide-mouth bass looking for lures. It took a year for me not to flinch when I saw that gaping maw coming at me. And another year before I could smile when one drove by. When I begrudgingly began to suspect I had fallen in love with this new pony, I decided it was time for a little research. And I have realized that the newer Mustangs are much closer to those first models. Like the 4th Gen, it has the sleeker side and rear design obscured by the convex lines of the 2nd and 3rd eras, but unlike those three eras, it reclaims that cavernous front of the early years. It is those first Mustangs that made it my favorite car. Now, if anyone asks me about the newer Mustang, I only say "wide-mouth bass" as a term of endearment and comment that it has the terror-instilling glare any legitimate sports car should have.
In other car news, Ford has decided to rename the Freestyle. Sales were slipping so to instead of redesigning the model, the powers that be have rummaged around in the name bag and pulled out Taurus. Slap an 'X' at the end and whah-lah, a brand new car sure to sell like hotcakes grilled by a Hooters' waitress in a camp of starving lumberjacks. Sorry, Ford, it is going to take more than a Jedi mind trick to convince me that switching the name of a basic, standard, run-of-the-mill, four-door sedan to a mythological bull-headed man makes said car sexier.
PS-Thanks to Trudi for help with for a more apropo monikers.
