The Little Insect That Did

Remember that joke about mosquitoes in Minnesota needing tennis rackets to squash them with. Well, I have been introduced to their distant cousin.

We went outside the other night and there in the lamp light was a swarm that would have made Hitchcock do a whole different film. Ever wonder what the Egyptians saw? This was about the same thing, only mosquitoes instead of locusts and under a lamp instead of over the entire country. Just a taste of the terror they must have felt at the sight of that cloud coming to devour. Which was more than what we were giving the mosquitoes.

Know the most annoying thing about a mosquito? She can fly around a room, land on you, be swatted away, only to fly for three more hours, waiting patiently until you fall asleep to land on you again, this time actually sticking her needle nose into you. The next morning you wake up with a half dozen more itching bumps just because the damn thing was too quick for your swats and too nocturnal for you to wait her out. If thorns didn’t exist before the fall, perhaps mosquitoes didn’t either.

And we are not even going to mention the case of squishing a mosquito while you are half awake with your lip as she was biting you. Ok, maybe we will. I just really hope I was the first bite of the night, cause if not that brings a whole other ick factor to the situation that I am steadfastly not thinking about.

I have heard that mosquitoes like O type the best. In high school, when we studied genetics, I did the percentages of the likelihood of my blood type based on my mom (O) and my dad (A). (I don’t remember the positive or negative part now.) It was 75% in favor of A, but I never was tested. The scientist part of me always wanted to know, though. Thanks to the mosquitoes, if the number of bites I have gotten is any sort of proof, I believe I have inherited my father’s blood. I suppose they are useful for something.

Going back to those Minnesotan skeeters, the mosquitoes here might be their long lost relatives. My theory is that a few of their ancestors hitchhiked on the Siberians who came across the land bridge and became the many tribes of Native Americans. Sustained by the blood of those hardy individuals, the mosquitoes only grew larger.

But here in Northern China, they have subsisted on the same diet and remained the same. Although that might change. With the introduction of milk as a staple into the Chinese diet (along with other Western foods), the average Chinese is getting taller and larger. Perhaps their mosquitoes will too. In that case, be afraid, be very afraid.

So how do we deal with these pesky bloodsuckers? My solution, aside from a dosing of deet and praying for wind, has been to not give them any skin to bite. Oh, they try. Part of me feels sad for them, trying in vain to get their noses through my sweater and into my skin. I am forever thankful that my jacket is thick enough that they cannot. My face is still open though.

Anybody know where I can buy a burka in China?