Ok, so this is my response to a friend's post on Facebook. I don't have Facebook, so my response is going here. As he says in his disclaimer, this is for humor's sake with a dash of mildly serious sarcastic wit. *smiles and flutters eyelashes* My comments are interspersed between the 10 Reasons I Cant Get A Date.
(Disclaimer: My intent on this blog is humor. So if any comments offend you I truly apologize but please keep in mind that I'm only joking. Also, I don't want this to turn into a woman bashing blog [although that would be fun] lets respect each gender affirming that we're both equally created in the image of God, so please enjoy the blog and feel free to comment).
R: That is what I am doing now. So no getting annoyed at me. :)
10. Girls feel intimidated because I'm a seminary student: Well, that may be true but all you need to get into a seminary is to say you're a Christian and have money. The truth of the matter is that I'm really not that smart and I fine every possible loophole to escape through to hide that fact. So far, so good, I haven't been exposed for the idiot that I am. Yet.
R: If a girl is intimidated cause you are a seminary student, she probably isn’t the kind of girl you should want to date anyway.
9. I ask out girls that are too busy: This is usually some lame excuse to avoid saying, "I'm just not interested in acknowledging your existence nor am I interested in spending any of my valuable time with you." However, call me naïve or just down right ignorant, but the girls I ask out are student athletes in real difficult majors. So the excuse might be legitimate (the emphasis is on "might" - even though they make it seem like they don't even eat or sleep; maybe they're robots in disguise, like the Transformers but instead of cars they're hotties). Some of you might be asking, "What about the girls who are not student athletes you ask that still say they're busy?" Let me think about that for a while. .... uh, I got nothing.
R: Are you saying you have had just as bad luck with non-athletes or that you haven’t asked out any non-athletes? Just curious. And why only athletes? Are they somehow better then the rest of us? Or is it just cause they are fitter? Cause if that is the answer then you ain't got no place to be whining with #8…if you won't go out with me unless I’m hot, then don’t go crying if I don’t go out with you if I don’t think you’re hot. As for the don’t have enough time, if she doesn’t have enough time for a date, she probably isn't the kind of girl you should want to date anyway.
8. I'm just not attractive: Granted, I know that I'm not that most attractive guy but am I really that ugly? I thought girls could look past that stuff and see the heart of the person? It's the guys who are shallow pigs that are driven by selfish motives and ambition, isn't it? Have I somehow been misinformed?
R: No, you are not physically ugly. But keep up this whining and your heart gets uglier by the second, at least to us girls who “look past that stuff.”
7. Lacking a wide social context: What I mean by this is that I'm only expose to certain types of girls (i.e., athletes refer to ..9). I have friends that tell me I need a "wider social context" to be expose to different types of girls. But I know what I like and what I want. For instance, I have a roommate who is dead set on landing a hotty who is interested in philosophy. Although I don't deny their existence I just never have seen one (sort of like unicorns & lepercons. I could picture one of his conversations going like this - Roommate: "Honey, do you think God is temporal, pretemporal, or supratemporal?" Hotty philosophy babe: "Well dear, I think He is atemporal, which makes it possible for Him to be both transcendent and immanent." If there is ever a smokin' hotty that talks like that I'm sure to fine my lepercon riding on a unicorn chasing Aslan the talking Lion down Imperial Highway saying the "The British are coming ... the British are coming" [ok, I know that wasn't funny] - yes, I also believe that he will die alone). However, it never occurred to me that athletic girls might not give a rip about me because I don't play soccer (play soccer for real and not just on Nintendo; On a side note, I was catching some of the World Cup and I admit that they're were some great soccer highlights but I've never seen so much constant flopping. You just tap a player and it looked like they were gunned down by a sniper. If I wanted to watch grown men fake getting hurt I'd watch pro wrestling). But hey, maybe it's that outside-the-box type of thinking that I need to be opened to a "wider social context" that my roommate is talking about.
R: So you are only interested in soccer girls? What about volleyball girls or softball girls? Your roommate might be on to something…kind of hard to get a date if you lock yourself in a monastary, physically or metaphorically. And if a girl isnt going to date you because you don’t play soccer, she probably isn't the kind of girl you should want to date anyway.
6. Influences from the feminist movement: Now let me begin by saying that I know the feminist movement is a reaction from abusive, insensitive, irresponsible, dead-beat men who won't own their decisions or be held accountable for their actions. So of course women have a breaking point, which they finally say, "enough is enough, we don't need men they suck!" Even though some woman might not call themselves a "feminist" they're still influenced by the movement even though they might not be aware of it. For instance, when I open the door for a lady I'm given a look that says, "Did you think I couldn't open the door myself, you stupid jerk!" When I don't open the door for a lady when given an opportunity I'm looked upon as a rude insensitive bastard. Well, quite the pickle indeed. Forget about asking for a date, I just don't want my head taken off.
R: If a girl thinks all men suck, she probably isn't the kind of girl you should want to date anyway. I think I am seeing a trend here, but that could be me.
5. Over ambition (this could be attached to ..6 but I'll make another category anyway): Since more and more moms are teaching their daughters that they can't rely on a man, more and more women are career driven (this also relates to ..9). They're so focused on getting a college degree and establishing their careers there really isn't any room for even having coffee with a guy, let alone going on a date. What ever happened to women desiring to be good homemakers and mothers? It's really a noble desire. I'm not talking about being barefoot and pregnant (well, sort of) but realizing that women play a critical role in the lives of children in teaching and shaping their character for future accomplishments that would contribute to the goodness of mankind. Ladies, you don't have follow what the media tells you to do. Heck, if this career drive continues I fear that the human race will come to an end as we know it.
R: You do realize that you are asking out athletes, a subculture that thrives on ambition, right? And if the girl is one who wants a career (and since you obviously want stay at home), she is probably not the girl you should want to date anyway.
4. Girls don't know what they want: refer to heartbreak ..4 (what the heck, refer to all the heartbreaks I've written). I often wonder why some of the most quality girls I know end up with some of the biggest tool-bags I've ever seen. And girls probably wonder why some quality guys end up with airheads. Well, there's a simply answer for that, because they're freakin' hot. I'm still waiting for the answer to the first question.
R: Yes, we have no clue what we want. Whereas men know exactly what they want. So maybe it is a good thing we don’t know what we want.
3. I act too slowly: For me, when I want to ask a girl out I need some time to muster up the courage. But almost to a fault. For instance, when I finally called this one girl to ask her out she immediate said that she was "flattered." Oh great, the "F" word, I knew where this was going (ladies, a word of advice, if you say the "F" word 'flattered' the guy is already bracing himself for rejection). It turns out that she got a boyfriend just a week and a half ago. Crap!! That's just the story of my life, running behind schedule.
R: Thanks for the advice. I will keep that in mind if I ever have to tell a guy no when he asks me out. That is of course assuming I will be asked out. Cause you know that is what I live for…rejecting all of those men that come lining up.
2. The "friendship zone": Now I've never heard of this notion until recently. Apparently the ideal of having a strong friendship as a foundation before you move into a romantic relationship is outdated. I've befriended girls before and have said to myself, "Hey, I think this could go somewhere." Only to hear the reply, "I only think of you as a friend." It seems like when a girl gets so comfortable with a guy as a friend, they enter something called the "friendship zone" (even against his will - sounds more like the twilight zone to me) and can't break out of it no matter what (kind of like prison or death row). Doesn't really seem fair to me to get sentenced into the "friendship zone" when the cause is simply being a faithful friend, while the girl goes on dating the insensitive, irresponsible, dead-beat. On top of that, when (emphasis in "when") they have problems, who does she confide in?? That's right, the dude that she sentenced into the "friendship zone," because he's "safe." Yes, the mind of a woman is truly a mystery.
R: You think you have it hard trying to figure out girls. Try being one. Having a guy who is a friend means that you don’t have to be so careful what you say, you don’t have to be so cautious in what you do, you don’t have interpret what he does and you don’t have to interpret what he says. That is valuable to a girl, especially when we seemed to be designed to always be on our guard. And it scares the hell out of us to think of that friendship changing, whether or not that really is how it goes when you go from friend to girlfriend. Ok, yeah, that might be a little insecure. But how about this…I will own up to my insecurities and you own up to yours?
1. I'm Asian: I know that I joke about this often but I gotta tell ya, I think there is some truth to it. I live in a predominately white community and go to a predominately white school. Now don't get me wrong, I think white women are beautiful but I've notice that they don't have an affinity towards Asian men (I'm open to dating Asian women, I even dated one a few months ago. She didn't turn out to be the most stable person to say the lease). They, white girls, like cowboys that still hunt for their food, haul hay, know how to work a chainsaw, about 6'3 in height, loves country music, and likes to shot animals for sport. I think I fall short of every major category. Now I would tie myself in a pretzel for the right girl but I have to admit my limitations. I could learn how to hunt and how to work a chainsaw but I can't grow another four inches and I've given country music a try (really ...I have ... honesty ...I have ... truly ...I have). I didn't figure this out until it was too late. I would cook meals for certain girls only to realize that they didn't want me to cook the food but to hunt it down and kill it myself. That's difficult in Southern Cally, considering cars already hit the only animals that are around here anyway. The last time I checked the class schedule there wasn't a Cowboys 101 course offered, so I guess I'm done for.
R: If a girl won't go out with you because you are 5’11’’, then she probably isn't the kind of girl you should want to date anyway. As for your other beefs, sounds like you are already a cowboy, just minus the Stetson and the Colt.
Well, I guess that does it for my list. I'm open to any suggestions or ideas about how to get a date. I think I'm going to set myself on fire now.
R: Are you really sure you want a date with a girl who is athletic, plays soccer, doesn’t like seminary, wants a career and just dispises men in general? Cause it sounds like those are the ones you are asking.
Why are you so worried about getting a date? You are in seminary, don’t you have slightly more important things to do? And even if you are no longer in seminary, aren’t there still better things to do than agonize over women?
Like working on the virtue of contentment. There’s a hobby you should get into. Might take up some of that free time you have since you aren’t on a date. Instead of finding a girl, how about working on becoming the man you should be for the girl. That is much more productive, because even if you never find her, you will still be a better man.
To start, I recommend Rudyard Kipling’s “If”. I might not be an athlete. I might not be “hot.” I might care less about my career. I might care less if you are in seminary. I might not care how tall you are. I might not care if you are my friend or if you are safe. I might not care if you don’t like country. But I certainly care whether or not you can live if...
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